How do we know what game we are really playing on a tennis court or in life?
When we are young, we are naturally influenced, by our parents and teachers, who with good intentions think that they know what is best for us.
Last week I spoke with a former player, now a tennis coach, who recognised that the game they had been playing as a young player, had been invented by their parents.
Up until the age of 12/13 years they had been playing the game to win. They said they would often hear their parents letting others know how good they were and how they were winning everything. They said they felt a lot of pressure at this time. Then, because they were winning everything, their parents switched games from one of ‘winning’ to one of having to ‘look good’ and having to perform with the best looking shots. The player said they felt too much pressure following this game, and finally, they gave up playing tennis around the age of 14.
It’s not difficult to see how a person can lose touch with who they really are and what they really want.
We can get caught up in the unconscious momentum of what Tim Gallwey called Self 1. Self 1 is our invented or inherited self, which has been formed by our parents and teachers of the past. It is our ‘ego’ self. In the example above, to win approval of others there is an inner voice that is commanding us, to win or to look good. It also likes to be in control of what it thinks we should and shouldn’t do. So, on a tennis court it is likely to be issuing us with instructions and commands such as, don’t forget to get the racket back early, step into the ball, transfer your weight though the shot, keep the wrist firm and then follow through, ..etc. Then, when things don’t go to plan, it is likely to judge our performance in some way, such as; ‘what did you do that for, you idiot, I told you to keep your wrist firm’.
Noticing when the inner voice of self 1 is about, is the first step in understanding ourselves. E.g., What do I really want? What am I aware of right now? What am I noticing?
When self 1 is quiet it is possible to access the real YOU!
The real YOU houses all of your inherent potential. We have many capacities inside us, some of them we will have accessed but there is an infinite amount that we haven’t, yet.
The inner game approach to coaching seeks to help players/learners to quieten their self 1 allowing more of Self 2 potential (YOU), to come out, and when it does, it is one of the best places to be, whether on a tennis court or in life.
If you would like to learn more about this approach to Performance, Learning and Enjoyment, please get in touch.